Sometimes I reject feedback because of how it’s delivered rather than its content. When people are insensitive in their delivery, it’s difficult for me to absorb their guidance.
👉 Historically, as soon as one of my managers started laying into me over something I did wrong, I would instantly tune out.
I was great at it. I could sit in front of them for an entire meeting and not hear one word my manager said. The upside of this approach is that I don’t take in their toxicity; the downside is that I miss the chance to grow from anything they’re telling me.
What I try to do now is something called “empathetic translation.” I take statements that I find hurtful and rewrite them in my head into a form I can take in. This allows me to get something positive out of the experience.
For example, if they said, “This graph sucks because of the color scheme and format.” I’ll rewrite it as “I think the graph will be more appealing if you use a different color palette and change it to a pie chart.”
💡Empathetic translation is rather taxing because it requires a lot of emotional labor. You have to simultaneously hold an internal boundary to block out the negative while keeping the door open to search for anything useful in their statements.
It isn’t easy, but it is worth it. So, see if you can give it a try.
References: Miller A. For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence. Macmillan, 1980.
Post Title: Just because someone says it poorly doesn’t mean there’s nothing valuable inside.