One of the simplest ways to reduce defensiveness and increase the chance your message gets through is to literally meet people at eye level.
Whenever you tower over someone while they’re seated at their desk, it’s a surefire way to trigger defensiveness.
👉 We’ve all seen it happen. A manager stands at the edge of the employee’s desk, arms crossed, tone “friendly” but posture imposing.
Whatever’s said next rarely lands well, because the message behind the message is already loud and clear: “I’m in charge, and you’re in trouble.”
It’s subtle, but it matters. Because when you hover, you’re not just sharing feedback, you’re triggering a survival response.
That’s why I always suggest sitting down before delivering any feedback that matters. Same eye level, same physical footing. It’s a small shift, but it can dramatically change the tone of the conversation.
💡You can also use this advice in reverse. If you’re on the receiving end of feedback or verbal conflict while seated, you can shift the dynamic by standing up.
Not aggressively or performatively, just calmly rise and say, “I prefer to be eye to eye when I’m having a conversation.” It levels the psychological playing field without a word of confrontation.
Sometimes, the most important change you can make in a tough conversation is where you choose to stand.
References: Satir V. Making Contact. 1976.
Post Title: Want to give feedback that actually lands? Sit down. Standing while they’re seated only triggers defensiveness.