A common pitfall when managers coach their employees is the manager asks, “What do you want to work on?” and the employee replies, “I want to try to be more assertive.”
These two statements are loaded with “verbal let-outs.” They sound like progress, but there isn’t any commitment. Let-outs are permission slips for inaction.
❌ “Work on” usually means talking about the problem but never taking action. You can “work on” something for years and never make progress.
✅ Instead, ask, “What do you want to accomplish?”
❌ “More assertive” is a moving target. More than what?
✅ Have them define all of the behaviors they think an assertive person does. Have them select one as a goal. Then, work with them to develop observable and measurable steps they can take to achieve their goal.
❌ “Try” creates a back door for not following through.
✅ Instead of, “I’ll try to speak up in meetings.” Ask them to commit to a specific action. “I will make at least one suggestion in a meeting next week.”
Once you start listening for verbal let-outs, you’ll hear them everywhere, especially in meetings where people want to sound agreeable without actually committing.
💡 If you lead, coach, or collaborate with others, listen for the let-outs. Get curious. Ask for specifics. Help people move from vague intention to concrete action.
Can you think of the last time you used a let-out?
References: Stewart I. Transactional Analysis Counselling in Action. SAGE Publications Ltd; 1989.
“Try” Is An Easy Exit
