Sometimes people, myself included, will talk about how self-aware they are when it comes to their flaws, but then do nothing to try to correct them.
👉 It’s as if we want to get credit for changes we haven’t made.
I know I have Asperger’s, and with that comes a host of undesirable social behaviors, but simply acknowledging that fact doesn’t accomplish anything.
When I was diagnosed with Asperger’s in my 40s, it explained a lot.
Suddenly, my entire career made more sense when it came to all the misunderstandings, the tension in meetings, and the awkward moments I couldn’t quite understand.
Real change came when I stopped treating self-awareness like the goal and started experimenting with different ways of interacting.
Knowing my patterns isn’t enough. I need to disrupt them, and when I mess up, I need to apologize and ask for feedback.
Nowadays, I can usually tell by people’s faces or responses when I’ve broken an unwritten social rule. However, sometimes I still struggle to understand what I did wrong.
So, I’ve adapted. I’ll say, “I’m sorry I have Asperger’s and sometimes I offend people without realizing it, and I’m worried I might’ve made a mistake just now, but I’m not sure what it was.”
My approach usually works out in one of three ways:
1) People will let me know what I did. I’ll apologize and thank them for the feedback.
2) My approach weirds people out, and they’ll tell me I haven’t done anything wrong just to move along in the conversation.
3) I actually haven’t done anything wrong, and I’m just being paranoid.
I have different techniques and adjust my approach depending on how well I know the person and our relationship type.
Is my approach perfect? No.
Is it progress? Absolutely.
💡 Self-awareness is essential, but it’s not the finish line because you don’t get credit for knowing that your behavior causes friction. You get credit when you start changing how you show up.
What’s one behavioral insight you’ve turned into action?
References: Frank JD, Frank JB. Persuasion and Healing: A Comparative Study of Psychotherapy. JHU Press; 1973.
Post Title: You don’t get credit for self-awareness until it leads to change.
Self-Awareness Should Lead To Change
