One of the craziest things I’ve encountered regarding a company’s tolerance of toxic behavior was when HR explained to an employee that there had been several complaints about their conduct, and the toxic person said, “I know how people perceive me.”
HR offered the employee coaching, and they declined the offer, which was the end of the intervention.
👉 You read that right. HR confronted the employee, who acknowledged their behavior but refused to receive coaching, and HR and management let the matter go. The person kept on being toxic for years without people doing anything about it.
It never occurred to me that someone could openly acknowledge being toxic and leadership and HR wouldn’t act.
Before people start piling on in the comments with attacks or in defense of HR departments, please keep in mind this is a sample size of one.
My hope is that the majority of companies handle things differently, and I’m sure that plenty of them do.
Eventually, I left the company.
After I processed most of my anger towards the system that allowed the behavior, I moved on to being angry at myself.
I was angry that when I faced a situation where leadership wouldn’t step up to protect its employees, I didn’t step up to protect myself. I mean, if the company was willing to tolerate that kind of behavior, what was stopping me from simply returning it in kind to the toxic employee?
I can go around and around in my head about this, getting myself all worked up, calming myself down, and then reflecting on how I handled the situation.
💡The truth is that I didn’t have the knowledge or experience that I have now. I didn’t have the tools that I have now, and instead of chastising the past version of myself who was facing a difficult situation, my energy is better spent on having compassion for myself.
Have you had a similar experience?
References: Watzlawick P, Bavelas JB, Jackson DD. Pragmatics of Human Communication: A Study of Interactional Patterns, Pathologies and Paradoxes. WW Norton & Company; 1967.
Post Title: Toxic coworkers don’t exist in a vacuum. They’re sustained by the culture around them.
Navigating Toxic Coworkers: A Personal Reflection
