When you change, the people around you might not celebrate it. In fact, they might resist.
At the end of every workshop, I make a point to talk about this phenomenon so that it doesn’t catch people off guard.
👉When things are stable, people like to keep them that way. Even if they’re unhappy. I always give the example of a couple that’s been married for twenty years, but is happy for only one of them. Despite being miserable, their marriage is stable because neither of them is willing to change or willing to leave.
The same thing happens in other relationships. People may not like some of your behaviors, but they’re used to them. If you start setting healthy boundaries or stop engaging in unhealthy conflicts, they’re going to be confused. The confusion might lead to fear, and the fear might result in them subconsciously sabotaging your improvements.
If you’ve been the “yes” person on the team and start setting boundaries, someone might say you’re not a team player anymore.
If you’ve spent years absorbing other people’s abuse and finally refuse to do it, someone might accuse you of causing trouble.
If you’ve historically underplayed your skills and start owning your value, someone might label you as arrogant.
Even healthy growth can feel threatening to people when your dysfunction used to benefit them. They’ve built muscle memory around how they interact with you. So don’t be shocked when someone says, “You’ve changed,” because you have. That was the point.
💡 If you want progress to stick, you have to prepare for the resistance that often follows improvement. Not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you’re doing something different.
Has your growth ever caused pushback from others?
References: Masserman JH. Individual and familial dynamics. 1959.
Post Title: When one employee grows, don’t be surprised if their coworkers try to pull them back to “normal.”
Navigating Resistance: Embracing Change in Relationships
