As an Aspie, I’m wired for precision, clarity, and consistency. We’re not exactly famous for being flexible, especially when it comes to things we care deeply about.
Early in my career, people’s work ethic was almost a fixation for me. I expected people to give 100%, just like I did.
My first job was at a Big 5 consulting firm, where people literally argued over who got to do more work. It was intense, but I understood it.
My next role was at a hospital, where the culture couldn’t have been more different. There, people fought to do less, and I felt like I’d landed on another planet. I was unhappy about what I saw, and I let people know exactly what I thought of their performance.
One day, after I’d gotten myself into trouble again, my manager, Mike Mabry, pulled me aside and said something that annoyed me at the time, but stuck with me for decades.
It approximated to this:
👉 “If you go around expecting everyone to perform at the same level you do, you’re going to be very disappointed throughout your career.”
I rolled my eyes, left his office in a huff, and told myself he was just excusing laziness.
However, over time, I came to see the truth in what he said, and I’ve since shared that same guidance with plenty of high performers who struggle to work with others who don’t share their pace, drive, or standards.
Here’s what I took from his advice: it’s not about lowering the bar. It’s about understanding that your internal standards aren’t universal.
💡You can’t expect other people to operate by rules you wrote in your head without including them. Whether it’s work ethic, speed, empathy, generosity, or attention to detail, people differ, and your job is to adapt without compromising your integrity.
Otherwise, you’re going to end up sabotaging countless relationships because you’re clinging to your ideals.
References: Berne E. The structure and dynamics of organizations and groups. 1963.
Post Title: Flexibility doesn’t mean lowering your standards; it means expanding your mindset.