A while back, I coached someone whose boss regularly yelled at him in meetings.
👉 As we talked through the dynamic, I asked, “What are your options?” He mentioned reporting it to HR, transferring teams, or starting a job search, but all of those felt distant or risky. So I added one he hadn’t considered, “You could yell back.”
He said, “I can’t do that.”
“Actually, you can; the real question is: Why don’t you?”“Because I might get fired, and I have a family to support.”
“Exactly. So, you’re choosing not to yell back. You’re prioritizing your family’s well-being over the short-term satisfaction of lashing out. You’re making a decision based on what matters most to you. That doesn’t sound like a powerless person to me.”He found the shift in perspective helpful, and no longer saw himself as a passive recipient of abuse but as someone actively deciding how to respond, even if his response was to yield.
đź’ˇ Sometimes, the act of listing your options, no matter how impractical they may appear, is enough to disrupt the powerless narrative. Because when you recognize that you are making a choice, you reclaim a piece of your power.
References: Sapolsky RM. Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers: The Acclaimed Guide to Stress, Stress-Related Diseases, and Coping. Holt paperbacks; 2004.
Post Title: Sometimes, knowing you have a choice is more important than acting on it.