Cause-and-effect thinking works well when the system is mechanical, but interpersonal issues are an entirely different game because they can be resolved without ever knowing exactly where they began.
I’ve seen people waste weeks trying to reverse-engineer a conflict. They argue over who started it, what a comment three meetings ago meant, or whether the tension began before or after the reorg.
👉 The truth is, you don’t need to know how an interpersonal issue began to solve it. In fact, chasing the origin story can pull people deeper into blame and further away from resolution.
The key to resolving them is discovering what keeps them alive. In most cases, the issue is being perpetuated through avoidance, sarcasm, defensiveness, or repeated patterns that have become invisible through repetition.
If the conflict is still showing up in meetings, Slack threads, or strained silences, it’s not because of how it began. It’s because the current behaviors and unspoken dynamics are keeping it alive.
That’s where the work needs to start.
💡 Fixing relationships doesn’t require a complete timeline. It requires a shift in behavior, communication, or expectations.
So, stop analyzing how it started and start focusing on what’s keeping it alive and how you can break the cycle.
References: Watzlawick P. Erickson’s contribution to the interactional view of psychotherapy. Ericksonian approaches to hypnosis and psychotherapy. 1982:147-154.
Post Title: Stop analyzing where the problem started and start changing what’s keeping it alive.