A toxic coworker is someone who verbally or emotionally abuses another person in the workplace. Unfortunately, other definitions inadvertently downplay the problem because they include coworkers who have a bad attitude, are uncivil, or have nothing positive to contribute during conversations.^1–4 You know you have a toxic coworker if you can answer yes to either of the questions below.

Are They Verbally Abusive?

Verbal abuse is similar to emotional abuse because the goal is to control another person.⁵ The primary types of verbal abuse are verbal threats, verbal assaults, abusive expectations, unpredictable responses, and gaslighting.⁶

• Verbal threats are when a person makes oral statements to elicit a fear response from the listener.⁷
• Verbal assaults include public reprimanding, humiliation, unjustified criticism, name-calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and sarcasm.⁸
• Abusive expectations are when “a person makes unreasonable demands and expects they will be your top priority.”⁸
• Unpredictable responses are when a person exhibits erratic behavior like dramatic mood swings and angry outbursts.⁸
• Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where the abuser makes the victim question their reality to make them feel like they are going crazy. Gaslighting is most effective when there is some form of social inequality involved, such as a manager-subordinate relationship.^8,9

A toxic coworker is someone who verbally or emotionally abuses another person in the workplace.

Are They Emotionally Abusive?

Emotional abuse is a continual series of behaviors designed “to control another person through the use of fear, humiliation, or physical assaults.”⁶ Common forms of emotional abuse include isolating a person from their social network, threatening their financial security, using physical force to cause harm, public or private shaming, intimidation, and harassment.^7–9 The goal of emotional abuse is to destroy the person’s self-esteem so they will feel powerless over their situation.⁸

Stop Labeling Abuse As Bullying

Society often labels abusive behavior as “bullying,” which almost makes it sound socially acceptable. However, it is more accurate to label most behaviors considered “workplace bullying” as verbal and emotional abuse.¹² The problem with using “bullying” and “abuse” as synonyms is that many view bullying as a normative process in life that can build character.¹³ Hopefully, people will be less likely to downplay the significant dangers of abusive behavior in the workplace when we apply appropriate terms to the behavior.

Toxic Coworkers Are Abusers

Correctly identifying toxic coworkers as abusers provides a foundation for developing strategies to deal with this crisis.

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References

1. Gallo A. How to Deal with a Mean Colleague. Harvard Business Review. Published online October 2014.
2. Porath C. An antidote to incivility. Harvard business review. 2016;94(4):22.
3. Gallo A. How to manage a toxic employee. Harvard Business Review. Published online 2016.
4. Nielsen MB, Einarsen S. Outcomes of exposure to workplace bullying: A meta-analytic review. Work & Stress. 2012;26(4):309-332.
5. Follingstad DR, Rutledge LL, Berg BJ, Hause ES, Polek DS. The role of emotional abuse in physically abusive relationships. Journal of family violence. 1990;5(2):107-120.
6. Beverly Engel M. The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself. Ballantine Books; 2017.
7. Muris P, Field AP. The role of verbal threat information in the development of childhood fear.“Beware the Jabberwock!” Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review. 2010;13(2):129-150.
8. Mason PT, Kreger R. Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder. New Harbinger Publications; 2010.
9. Sweet PL. The sociology of gaslighting. American Sociological Review. 2019;84(5):851-875.
10. Stark S. Emotional Abuse. In: ; 2015:647-650.
11. Smith PH, Thornton GE, DeVellis R, Earp J, Coker AL. A population-based study of the prevalence and distinctiveness of battering, physical assault, and sexual assault in intimate relationships. Violence against women. 2002;8(10):1208-1232.
12. Ortega A, Høgh A, Pejtersen JH, Olsen O. Prevalence of workplace bullying and risk groups: a representative population study. International archives of occupational and environmental health. 2009;82(3):417-426.
13. Smith PK, Brain P. Bullying in schools: Lessons from two decades of research. Aggressive Behavior: Official Journal of the International Society for Research on Aggression. 2000;26(1):1-9.